Not because I'm a hermit (though I am), and not because I have a phobia (because I don't). I hate leaving home because that's where I belong. I should be at home, with my babies, playing with them, teaching them and spending time with them because time... *poof*... it's gone in an instant. As AJ gets older I realize how much time I've actually missed with him and it makes me sad. I don't want the same thing to happen with Axel.
I took the day off yesterday because the baby was sick, the furnace was broken and we needed to find a place to service it and I just felt like I NEEDED to be home. Axel was a bear most of the day, I didn't get very much done around the house, but it was the BEST day because I felt like I was where I needed to be.
I'm starting to feel like I'm going through a crazy identify crisis. On one hand I'm a working mom, helping pay the bills that I obviously helped create. I can take care of myself and my family if need be. But I don't want this life anymore. I want to stay home and make baby food, and knit a sweater, and grow cold-weather crops in my garden, and start using my long-arm quilter, and be able to spend a couple hours cleaning my house that's been taken over by dog fur! GAH!
How do I find balance? And how do I get over the cold, hard truth that I have to leave this face five days a week to work?
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