I sure will miss these guys...

I've pretty much decided that after my maternity leave I won't be returning to this position.

Don't get me wrong - I've loved by 18 years here.  I really have.  This has been my "career" for half of my life.  HALF OF MY LIFE! (Oh my god, I feel so old.)  But since I've returned to work after having Axel, it feels lack-luster at best.

I kinda feel like this new dynamic in the office isn't working well for me.  I mean, I've got two Directors to report to with very different management styles - one of which I can't figure out to save my life.  Apparently I'm too loud for some people, too rude for other people, and I spend too much time doing non-work-related activities.  I'm not helpful when I should be, need an attitude adjustment on some days and am too chatty.  Basically, my personality sucks, it seems.

Really.

While all of this could be considered growing pains and getting to know new people, I've worked in this office for several years - with no problems or anything.  I can count on one hand the number of times I've been reprimanded for ANYTHING.  But lately I feel like the scrutiny is too much for me to handle.

It's no surprise to my peers that I would prefer to be a home, raising my bebe's and knitting all day.  But if I had a great place to come to work every day, it would make the separation more bearable.  Lately, it's unbearable.  And if I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant I would be job hunting right now instead of writing this blog.

Still searching for my bliss...