Is Hate-ish a word?

Even if it's not, I'm feeling a bit hate-ish right now.  Ever have one of those days where you just HAVE to get  crap off of your chest and it results in crying in your boss' office?

Uhhhh... yeah... um, me neither.

Since coming back to work mid-May after my GLORIOUS three month maternity leave I have simply not. been. happy.  I'm not happy at all to be back.  I feel disconnected from everything that is happening around me.  I'm keeping up with my increasing workload, but I don't know how.  Things are happening, initiatives are moving forward, plans are being made and I feel like I'm along for the ride.  I've lost control over the sheer amount of paper on my desk.  My Outlook inbox is a hot mess.  My to-do list consists of several Post-It Notes scattered randomly on every work (and non-work) surface of my desk.

What. In. The. World.

I kind of want to set fire to my workspace and start over.

I can't help but think that the chaos at home bleeds into my chaos at work and my brain is one big bundle of AAAUURRGGGHHHHH!  Add that to a new boss that I STILL don't get and expectations that I really don't understand yet and I'm a case of alcoholism waiting to happen.

Serenity now, right?

I really want to go knit something. With a large fishbowl glass of wine.

yeah...

Project 333: End of week updates

 Day 5:  Jeans Day at work!  Wooooo!  Long-sleeved brown tee, blue tank (new purchase to replace the maternity pink take originally selected - seriously, what was I thinking?!), blue jeans, hand-knit socks (not included), brown mules (not pictured).

Feeling pretty good about Project 333 so far.  Didn't feel at all limited in my choices.  Easily the BEST DRESSED week in a long time, I think.  I got several compliments on the dress AND my black skirt ensemble this week.  

Day 6:  I'm not an angel, though. I did leave the house in yoga pants and slippers this weekend!  But, in my defense I was only in the car going to pick Mom up.  I didn't GO anywhere, per se.  And when I left to drive mom home I put on jeans!

Day 7:  I sure didn't leave the house (unless you count going to the garden and chasing the dogs in the neighbors yard.)  I wore sweats and a tee all day.  I wasn't feeling at all fashionable while doing laundry and scrubbing the bathroom sinks.

Day 8: Sleeveless black/white top, black jacket (easily the most worn article to date), black slacks, black heels.  Oh, and Little Kitty.

Day 9:  Printed blouse (switch-in, replaces my Uggs - I think...), blue tank, brown "cords" and brown heels.  Mom gave me this blouse this weekend I love it.  I think it will look good with jeans, too and even my black skirt.  Its a nice colorful piece that my 33 was desperately needing.

I'm still struggling with a few of my choices.  I included a black ruffle vest, but I honestly don't know that I'm going to wear it.  It was kind of a desperation inclusion - I've only ever worn it with tank tops and, well, it's FALL.  I'm not wearing any tanks right now!  I think it's a more appropriate piece for this summer so it will most likely be switched out this week.





At some point I'm looking forward to having more to talk about than my wardrobe.  But, you know... this is the most interesting thing I have going for me right now.  I guess I'll take it. :-)

Project 333: Day 4

Day 4: Green/blue sleeveless shirt (swapped out for the Uggs), black skirt, black heels and black jacket (that I wore yesterday and agonized about wearing again because OMG TWODAYSINAROW!)  Also not the best outfit to wear when it's rainy and windy and 50* outside.  But, I'm kee-yuuuuute!

I've traded a couple things out, put one of the traded items on this morning and decided that it's too big.  I will probably try it again with some pants (it just looked kinda crazy with my skirt), but it may be ousted as well.  It kind of pains me, because I JUST bought it a couple months ago and WHY am I purchasing items without trying them on?! GAH!

In other news, tomorrow is Friday. Yay!  Maybe I can come up with some different blogging material.  However, this Project 333 *is* getting me back into blogging again.

Project 333: Day 2 and 3

Tuesday, October 16:  "Khaki" pants, brown long-sleeved tee, animal print scarf (totally purchased on Monday!), brown mules.

Wednesday, October 17:  Sleeveless print dress, black jacket, black tights (not included) and black thigh-high boots.



So far so good.  I still think it's plain, plain, plain.  I've already thought of two items I want to get rid of and substitute some print shirts. (Hey, my experiment, my rules!)  I haven't worn them yet, so I figure it's still fair game to trade them out.  Plus, I can't see me wearing my gray sweater Uggs with ANY of the pants or dresses I have so I might switch those out for something as well.  But nothing that I've already worn because somehow that feels like cheating.

In other news, I completely freaked out yesterday and threw away a dozen half-burned candles.  Because seriously, WHO IN THE HELL NEEDS TWELVE HALF-BURNED CANDLES?!?!!?!? WHOOOOOOOOOOOO?  Not me, that's who!  The bad thing about this is that I have to purge while the hubby is gone?  He has 101 reasons to keep EVERYTHING!  This kind of makes me sneaky and devious, which are qualities that I don't like.  However, to save my sanity (and my marriage and the lives of the pets and humans in my house), this is what needs to be done.  My pile to donate is quickly bagged and sent to Goodwill the next day. My laundry basket full of items I'd like to consign is growing and growing.  Lets face it - those 5 sleeveless shell dresses that you wore when you were 23 are NOT gonna fit your 2 post-baby, 13 year older boobs, m'kay?

Little by little I'm decluttering my surroundings and my mind. It feels wonderful.  Hoping to have a firm grip on my brain for 2013!

Project333 - Day 1

I do believe that I need to come up with a new way to take pictures, no?

Monday, October 15:  Red cowl-neck shirt, brown "cords", brownish heels.  I also threw on my cream cardi because it's cold outside.

I know that Project 333 is supposed to make picking your clothes out easier, but I'm not going to lie... I was panic-stricken this morning.  Nothing worked. Nothing. Everything is plain.  So very plain.  I can't wear a brown pant and black sweater. All of my shirts are black or white (well, I do have a brown one thrown in for good measure.) Ack! Fie! Agony!

Right away I found three things that would not work. Not. At. All.  The two scarves I have are wrong.  They are more coat scarves, not wearing with t-shirt scarves. So, I'll be buying two NEW scarves today and donating the old ones. I haven't worn them in years and years (and years), so it's time to pass them along to someone who WILL use them.  Also, I have one tank in my 33 items, just for a pop of color.  And it's a maternity top.  Yeah, that won't do.  I'll be looking for a replacement item for that as well, and will move the tank out of the closet.

This process isn't perfect... yet.  I'm reserving this first week to be the "tweaking" week where I get everything exactly where I want it.  And I have to find a new way to photograph... using Leif's full-length mirror and my iPhone is kinda campy.

In other news - I've been reading a lot about the minimalistic lifestyle and I'm becoming more and more intrigued with every blog post.  I can't wait to try some new (green) cleaning products, and even some personal care products.  Baking soda/tea tree oil shampoo? Sure, why not!  More on that later.

Project 333: In Progress

Yes, I'm still doing it.  I'm still very intrigued, and VERY EXCITED to finalize my list this weekend.  This is what I've got so far:

Pants/Skirts/Dresses

1. Jeans - one pair (and they happen to be too small in the waist, but they fit great in the butt/legs so I'm keepin' 'em.  Besides, I'm on a mission to lose weight anyway.
2. Black dress pats - Not Your Daughters Jeans.  Love 'em.  Great fit.
3. Target clearance khakis - because I need something casual
4. Goodwill thrifted brown "cords".  I like them and they fit well.
5. Black above the knee flouncy skirt from Target.  I need a skirt
6. Sweater dress my mom gave me - haven't tried it on yet so this could change.

Shirts/Sweaters/Jackets

1. Brown long-sleeved tee
2. White long-sleeved tee
3. White short-sleeve keyhole tee
4. Black short-sleeve keyhole tee
5. Red short-sleeve cowl neck tee
6. Black/white sleeveless print shirt
7. Cream long-sleeve cardi
8. Black short-sleeve cardi
9. Black jacket
10. Winter coat (why does this count?)

Shoes

1. Black knee-high leather boots
2. Black mules
3. Brown mules
4. Black heels
5. Brown _________ (to be determined)
6. Tennis shoes
7. Winter boots
8. Uggs

Accessories

1. Sunglasses - silver aviators ( I wrestle with including these - I don't use my sunglasses as fashion, per se)
2. 1 purse (to be determined)
3. scarf (to be determined)
4. scarf (to be determined)
5. gloves (again, outer-wear kinda sucks)
6. bracelet?
7. necklace?

Exceptions (because I CAN!)

1. Anything hand-knit/woven.  I don't have a lot, but what I do have I reserve the right to wear the hell out of.
2. Tights.  I'm considering them underwear.  Screw you.
3. Earrings.  I wear white gold diamond studs and white gold hoops as well as my cartilage piercings every day, rarely changing.  I'm not counting them.
4. Wedding rings - duh.
5. Also reserving the right to replace anything that becomes too worn to wear with a similar item from the store or a different item from my closet.  But, everything on this list seems to be in good repair, so...

So yeah, that's 31 items so far.  I feel like I should add a couple more shirts because, seriously, t-shirts anyone?

It's a great start.  I can't wait to pack up my clothes and see a newly decluttered closet.  This is going to be so good for my soul... I can FEEL IT!

Project 333 - Finally, some focus!

I'm floundering.  I recognize that my unhappiness isn't with the people in my life, but the amount of time taking AWAY from the people in my life. I'm living in a constant state of urgency and it's really starting to wear me down.  Today, it clicked. It's time for me to start living more simply.

Enter The Project 333.

33 items of clothing. 3 months.

Less time in the morning antagonizing over what to wear. Less time sorting/washing/folding laundry. Less money spent shopping for clothes that hang in my closet. More time wearing items that I LOVE and FIT ME WELL. (And with my current weight, there is very little that fits me well!)

My plan is to finalize my Project 333 list this weekend, box everything up that didn't make the cut and put it away until January 15, 2013.  Of course, I will have some exceptions. (Hand-knits, for example!)

I'm really excited to start this challenge.  I think it will be good for me and help shake the funk that's been hanging on for a while.  More to come!

Unfulfilled

I hate leaving home.

Not because I'm a hermit (though I am), and not because I have a phobia (because I don't). I hate leaving home because that's where I belong.  I should be at home, with my babies, playing with them, teaching them and spending time with them because time... *poof*... it's gone in an instant.  As AJ gets older I realize how much time I've actually missed with him and it makes me sad. I don't want the same thing to happen with Axel.

I took the day off yesterday because the baby was sick, the furnace was broken and we needed to find a place to service it and I just felt like I NEEDED to be home.  Axel was a bear most of the day, I didn't get very much done around the house, but it was the BEST day because I felt like I was where I needed to be.

I'm starting to feel like I'm going through a crazy identify crisis. On one hand I'm a working mom, helping pay the bills that I obviously helped create.  I can take care of myself and my family if need be. But I don't want this life anymore.  I want to stay home and make baby food, and knit a sweater, and grow cold-weather crops in my garden, and start using my long-arm quilter, and be able to spend a couple hours cleaning my house that's been taken over by dog fur!  GAH!

How do I find balance?  And how do I get over the cold, hard truth that I have to leave this face five days a week to work?