I sure will miss these guys...

I've pretty much decided that after my maternity leave I won't be returning to this position.

Don't get me wrong - I've loved by 18 years here.  I really have.  This has been my "career" for half of my life.  HALF OF MY LIFE! (Oh my god, I feel so old.)  But since I've returned to work after having Axel, it feels lack-luster at best.

I kinda feel like this new dynamic in the office isn't working well for me.  I mean, I've got two Directors to report to with very different management styles - one of which I can't figure out to save my life.  Apparently I'm too loud for some people, too rude for other people, and I spend too much time doing non-work-related activities.  I'm not helpful when I should be, need an attitude adjustment on some days and am too chatty.  Basically, my personality sucks, it seems.

Really.

While all of this could be considered growing pains and getting to know new people, I've worked in this office for several years - with no problems or anything.  I can count on one hand the number of times I've been reprimanded for ANYTHING.  But lately I feel like the scrutiny is too much for me to handle.

It's no surprise to my peers that I would prefer to be a home, raising my bebe's and knitting all day.  But if I had a great place to come to work every day, it would make the separation more bearable.  Lately, it's unbearable.  And if I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant I would be job hunting right now instead of writing this blog.

Still searching for my bliss...

Countdown

So, if I were to get pregnant this month I would be due on or around October 25th.
Yeah, I did the math.

When Hubby and I got pregnant with OUR first, I told him that I wanted another straight away.  Our plan was to start trying to conceive at the end of the summer and possibly have a June 2013 baby.  At that time I would take a one-year leave of absence to see if we could cut it as a single-income family.  If all worked out, I would be a SAHM by summer 2014.  Unfortunately Hubby got cold feet in August and told me he wanted to wait a year to have another baby.  While I held it together (and continue to do so), I think I might have died a little bit on the inside.

I knew it was coming. In fact, I had already called my OB's office and ordered up a new prescription of the NuvaRing.  And I understood where he was coming from, but I sure as hell didn't like it.  AND he decided to spring it on me while we were on vacation.  Not cool.

I went back on birth control at the end of August, begrudgingly.  Immediately I noticed a difference in my body. I was grumpy, had more headaches, my periods were harder because my natural cycle is longer than the synthetic one I'm now suffering through.  I was sad - maybe even a little depressed - that our "master plan" had been pushed off.  Hubby's financial worries are valid, but the fact that I'm 36 and have a couple health hiccups that COULD impede having kids are not to be ignored.  And while I haven't really nagged him about it, I've made my concerns known.

This week he has relented and said that he's ready to move forward - ONLY if I promise that our baby won't be born in November (he couldn't handle the hunting-season guilt...)

So, here we are.  And I'm kind of scared.  Okay, really... I'm kind of petrified.

Living on one income is not going to be easy.  I need to research some stuff.  I need to get ducks in a row.  I need to start budgeting, planning, etc.

But first I need to get pregnant!  *fingers crossed for October 2013!*

The end of 333

Yesterday marked the end of my 3-month, 33 item stint.  It's weird... I can't believe that it's over already.  And today, on the first day that I could wear something different, I'm not.  (That might be testament to how lazy I am, though...)

I cheated twice.  Last month I did purchase two new pairs of pants - a pair of tan khaki pants to replace my "khaki's" that I just wasn't happy with the fit on, and a cute pair of skinny jeans that I had been coveting [the idea of].  I did wear the skinny jeans twice, along with a shirt my mom brought over and insisted I wear for our family Christmas.

I did take a picture. Sexy with my slippers, AMIRITE?

I learned a few things:

1. I haven't missed my clothes at all, until today. I really, REALLY miss a pair of black pants I have, because of their extreme pajama comfort but sleek look!
2. I need new shoes. Mine are old.
3. Less is more.
4. I need to invest in LONG pants/jeans because high-waters are not sexy.
5. I could probably get rid of 99% of my jewelry.
6. Quality over quantity.

Among other things...

I only wore each of my skirts once.  Duh, it is winter.  However, I got lots of compliments on my cute dress with my calf-boots.

While I'm not jumping right into a new Project 333, I will probably do another one in a couple months, for the spring/summer season.  And with my new found love of a simple closet, I'm going to be ruthless with integrating my old pieces again.

Purge, purge, purge!

I knitted something...

So, there was this one time where I actually finished a knitting project.  And lo, it was good.

Pattern: GAP-tastic cowl by Jen Geigley
Yarn: Lion Brand Thick & Quick, Denim
Needles: US 13
Rav it!

I've always been under this weird notion that you can't knit with "cheap" yarn.  And Lion Brand has always occurred to be as pretty darn "economical."  So, when I purchased this yarn I really didn't have any preconceived notions that I would LIKE the finished product.  I just wanted something quick and simple and since I have an abundance of yarn, I didn't want to spend a lot of moolah.

I was pleasantly surprised with my finished product.  It's squishy and soft... not scratchy at all.  And hoooooo-boy - it's freakin' warm!  I love it!  I did find a couple mistakes (I knew they were happening as I was knitting (seed stitch, ugh), but I've always been they type of knitter that pushes forward, mistakes and all.  I hate ripping out.  I wish I would have.  Seed stitch is not forgiving and I have two areas that are cray-cray.  Thankfully the cowl is large enough where I can easily hide those areas.

I do think I'd like to knit this again with a more luxurious yarn.  (Notice I didn't say "more expensive" because I've definitely had some crap yarn that cost more than a buck or two!

I hope I'm back on the knitting bandwagon.  I've considered making some crafty new years resolutions, but why set myself up for failure?!  I've got lots of things on the needles right now... maybe I should concentrate on finishing up a thing or two, eh?

Blogging from bed

Ahhhh, modern technology. Isn't it grand?

Freezing, achy and tight throat. God, I hope I can sleep this off. Such a busy week at work... I can't afford to be sick!

I leave you with... Uhhh... Something on my phone!

Happy New Year!

Totally ripped off from a Google search - original.

I'm full of hope for this here new year. 2013 is gonna be all sorts of fabulous - I just know it!

(And if not, I'm gonna kick it's ass!)

(And yes, this is all I've got for tonight. My brain is dead, my body is tired and I have to go back to work tomorrow after a glorious 10-day vacation!)  Ohhhh, why can't we have 10-day vacations every few months?!

More on the haps of the end of 2012 later. Right now this girl has to get showered and into bed. And pack a lunch... and set the alarm...

*sigh*